Gwen,
Yesterday I overheard one of my "best friends" talking about me behind my back. I would be upset, except somehow I've known that this person has been doing this all along. What, if any, action should I take?
Sincerely,
KnewItAllAlong
Dear KnewItAllAlong,
We don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but true/sincere friendships are very rare. Even the best of friends will take issue with something that you are doing and they will, without reservation, tell everyone they can about it. It's a fact of life, and it's very sad.
What we're about to say to you, some may consider to be bad advice, but we're going to say it anyway: If you find out that someone is gossiping about you, as far as we're concerned it's too late to really DO anything. Our dad uses this quotation ,"a man forced against his will, is of the same opinion still", we think this applies in this situation. Sitting this friend down and saying something along the lines of, "I heard you say x, y, and z, about me, and it really hurt my feelings", won't really get you anywhere. You may enjoy the satisfaction of watching him/her scramble for an excuse, but it won't change what he/she thinks.
To them you're still "annoying", "rude", "inconsiderate", "ugly", or whatever else he/she said about you when you weren't around.
So instead of using your energy to "fix" this current relationship, I would put your energy into finding new friends. Or better yet, finding a great boyfriend, becoming better at your job, keeping your room clean, serving others.
Best friends who gossip are the worst. Leave them, and don't look back.
Love,
Gwen
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