Study: 96% of Friendships are Completely Fake

 ARLINGTON, VA—A study released today by REALzone LLC, a company that specializes in relationship growth and development, found that 96% of all friendships are completely fake. Researchers came to their conclusion after interviewing hundreds of “friends” in the D.C. and D.C. metro areas.

“Social networking sites have really changed the perception of friendship. In order to be considered someone’s friend these days, all you have to do is go in a bathroom and take a picture together in the mirror” said Britt Williams, the study’s lead author. “To be honest, I can’t see why such highly educated people would subscribe to such ridiculousness!”

We interviewed Dontae Tibb, a self proclaimed social butterfly who considers his friends to be his greatest asset and a participant in the study, “Talk to me once, I’m your friend. Tell me a joke, I’ll fake laugh and tell you an equally bad joke. That’s all it takes! I’ve got thousands of friends and they’d all take a bullet for me”, Tibb told YogueIN this past week. But when we contacted the list of friends Tibb provided for us, his bullet story didn’t exactly pan out.

“I’m not sure why Dontae would include me on this list, yeah, sure, I am in a lot of Dontae’s Facebook pictures and on his mass emails, but I wouldn’t really consider us friends per se,” said an acquaintance who wished to remain anonymous. When YogueIN contacted Dontae’s roommates they refused to comment. Further details of the study will be released at the beginning of March.