A recent YogueIN poll shows that 96% of Americans believe that it is impossible to talk about politics without sounding annoying. Full press release documenting this groundbreaking study to be released at the beginning of the 2012 election season.

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Ask Gwen: Living In a Box

Dear Gwen,

Recently I have had the overwhelming desire to live in a box. I've dropped out of school, trashed my computer, and disconnected my phone... that is why I am sending you this letter via the mail. I am finally feeling a little bit better, but I am afraid that as soon as I go back to the real world, I'll want to live in a box again. Please help!

Sincerely,
Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed,

There have been many studies done on these types of feelings. In a recent case study done by YogueIN's research company, TRUTHzone LLC, researchers found that the desire to live in a box is directly related
to the amount of time any given person spends with brutal people.

You'll notice that by the fourth minute in the company of a

YogueIN Correspondent Spends Day Reading Blogs; Dies

OWINGS MILLS -- Boredom took the life of YogueIN investigative reporter, Britt Williams, while on assignment in Owings Mills, MD. Williams recently began a study for TRUTHzone LLC, a company that specializes in the brutal truth about all things, in order to determine whether or not reading blogs is an effective form of entertainment. Her task was to find and read posts from the "every day blogger" a task which proved deadly. There are no more details at this time.

Watching The Super Bowl Can Kill You

Or at least get you minorly injured afterwords.

New Orleans police are reporting that during a super bowl celebration 3 people "observed that they had been struck" by gun shots. The names of those wounded (25 yr old male, 36 and 30 year old females) are being withheld until their relatives are notified.

Update: YogueIN has issued a follow up statement demanding clarification on the phrase "Observed that they had been struck" by gun shots.

read full article here

BREAKING NEWS: You really can be bored to death

This is for real. Not one of our fake "studies".

But apparently, scientists in the UK have discovered that people who are frequently bored are 40% more likely to die after a 25 year period (which was the length of the study).

The lead authors of this study are attributing their findings to the fact that bored people often turn to smoking and drinking as a way to stimulate their minds.

After this announcement YogueIN researchers got to work and found that this alarming news was one of the main reasons that Conan O'briens late night show was pulled from NBC and also the cause for the now non-existent sales of the movie "Girl with a Pearl Earring". Lives are at stake!

Read the full article here

BREAKING NEWS: Books Replace Friends

BALTIMORE, February 1, 2010 –REALzone LLC, a company that specializes in relationship growth and development, announced today that Journals and Good Literature have officially replaced human beings as Americans Friends Of Choice. The annual AFOC vote took place at the Inner Harbor in Baltimore city and Journals and Books are expected to officially begin their responsibilities by the end of the week.

“We were not surprised at all by the outcome of the vote,” Commented D. Powell, CEO of REALzone LLC official sponsor of the event. “Especially after waiting in long lines with other human beings, those who hadn’t brought their books or journals, were fed up… ready for a change, and their votes reflected those feelings.”

The outcome of the vote was greeted with cheers from both tourists and locals of all ages. “I decided to vote for the journal and a good book option when I realized that if I didn’t want to know the story that my book was telling, I could just close it, or else choose another book, or in extreme circumstances I could burn it”, commented Jenny Briggs of Minnesota who traveled for 3 days to cast her vote, “That same flexibility just does not exist with human beings”.

The implications of the vote have yet to be seen, but most people remain optimistic. “I’m obviously not going to go get rid of my friends just because a vote tells me to,” said a local voter as he tearfully embraced his human-friends “but do I trust these results? Yes. And I will think twice the next time I’m trying to decide who or what I should use for company. A good book like Harry Potter? Or one of these guys here? There really is no competition” said the voter as he held his book a little tighter and walked away.

Study: 96% of Friendships are Completely Fake

 ARLINGTON, VA—A study released today by REALzone LLC, a company that specializes in relationship growth and development, found that 96% of all friendships are completely fake. Researchers came to their conclusion after interviewing hundreds of “friends” in the D.C. and D.C. metro areas.

“Social networking sites have really changed the perception of friendship. In order to be considered someone’s friend these days, all you have to do is go in a bathroom and take a picture together in the mirror” said Britt Williams, the study’s lead author. “To be honest, I can’t see why such highly educated people would subscribe to such ridiculousness!”

We interviewed Dontae Tibb, a self proclaimed social butterfly who considers his friends to be his greatest asset and a participant in the study, “Talk to me once, I’m your friend. Tell me a joke, I’ll fake laugh and tell you an equally bad joke. That’s all it takes! I’ve got thousands of friends and they’d all take a bullet for me”, Tibb told YogueIN this past week. But when we contacted the list of friends Tibb provided for us, his bullet story didn’t exactly pan out.

“I’m not sure why Dontae would include me on this list, yeah, sure, I am in a lot of Dontae’s Facebook pictures and on his mass emails, but I wouldn’t really consider us friends per se,” said an acquaintance who wished to remain anonymous. When YogueIN contacted Dontae’s roommates they refused to comment. Further details of the study will be released at the beginning of March.

The world now welcomes worst nightmares onto primetime/daytime T.V., Thanks Recession

We've all had those dreams nightmares where there is the most beautiful table filled with the most delicious and aromatic food we could ever imagine and it's there for us and only us. We lift our hand to take a bite just to have it all disapear and to find ourselves waking up to the sound of an angry alarm clock knowing that the only food that is in our kitchen is a box of rice crispies and no sugar. 

Well apparently even though those are such annoying dreams, we (being the world) think it makes for great T.V.! USA Today is reporting that Scripps Network saw a 29% boost in ratings during 2009 thanks to the addition of food/cooking inspired shows. Which begs the question...why are we watching food and not eating it?

TLC chief Eileen O'Neill explains that "Culturally right now, food is a comfort device," and that the need to watch these shows is driven by the recession. In short, we're miserable and would binge eat but we can't afford to do so, so instead we watch all the food that we wish we could could be eating. Thus, successfully, making our lives into living nightmares.

A bad mood can ruin your blog?!?!??!?!

According to a study done at the University of Pennsylvania it totally can. Researches wanted to find out what type of bad moods affect our work more:
       
   BAD MOOD TYPE A:  caused by the brutal thing that happened at the very beginning of the day before we got to work
   BAD MOOD TYPE B:  caused by the brutal things that continuously happen to us while we're at work.

The complete study is pretty interesting but allow us to spoil the article for you:

"One of our findings shows that the mood people bring with them at the very start of the workday influenced employee mood more powerfully and consistently than any other variable," Rothbard and Wilk write. "We also found that for the most part, as expected, customer mood influenced employee mood. Interestingly, negative customer interactions only affected less experienced workers. Last, we show that daily mood at work can influence important work outcomes."

Start-of-day moods may be more potent because they are caused by events that are more important to workers than interactions with customers, the researchers note. It is also possible that workers are trained to handle customer moods but get no similar training on dealing with start-of-day moods. Future research, they suggest, should look at various events that influence those start-of-day moods.

 So there you have it. You didn't get that promotion because you couldn't find your shoes this morning, and your blog is bad because your mom yelled at you!

ps. we feel really badly about our picture choice. It was hard to find, if you google image search perezhilton you'll find 8 billion pictures of a smiley person, and just this one sad one. He must have read this study and knows to keep the sad in a bag.

check out his uber successful blog @ http://www.perezhilton.com/

What I learned from Twilight...

Twilight Saga: New Moon

Twilight Saga: Slow Talkers

If movies were real, meaning if they accuratley portrayed real life, then that would mean the following things were true:

1. Before you say anything "meaningful" your lips should be wet..

2. In order to show love or concern your head must be tilted.

3. Intense emotions smoulder beneath the surface of your eyes.

4. You cannot say more than 10 words per minute in any given conversation

etc etc et ceteraaaa

What ridiculous things could you say the Twilight movies or books taught you?

ps. I actually have what I think is a really good idea for more Twilight books that could keep the series going for a long time. Stay tuned.

Social Graces are out, being annoying is in??

Since when!? Anyone who has stepped foot in a college (or prep-school) dormitory knows that roommates can be absolutely brutal. Up until this year, however, we didn't know how brutal.

We understand that it's important to let loose sometimes, and if you cannot let loose in your own home.. then maybe that isn't the right place to live, but no matter what your current situation if you are living with any other human beings or even pets, there are certain things that you should NEVER do.

1. Leave a bolonga a sandwhich on the counter of a shared bathroom.

2. Look through the blinds of someone elses room, when they are trying to be alone.
- This is actually okay to do so long as you do not speak to the person you are spying on. If you are going to look through their blinds, do it quietly. NEVER under any circumstances say, "hey whatcha doin in there".

3. Make anything that will smell like garlic, bolonga, or onions during the winter. The summer is okay beacause the windows can be opened.

4. Play farmville with the volume up right outside the door of one of your roommates.

5. Use speaker phone in a room where someone is watching T.V.

6. Say "Honey, I'm home" when no one in the residence is your honey.


Obviously, there are a lot of things that can go wrong when living with or being a roommates. These are just some of the things that should NEVER happen. Feel free to add any NEVER do's that you feel will help everyone on their way to being a little more Yogue.